Elizabeth. Nerdy coffee drinker, avid book reader, frequent stresser, Christ chaser, future teacher, careful missionary, passionate music lover, rugby winger, aspiring traveler, hopeless romantic, hopeful photographer, and your friendly Starbucks barista. My ask box is always open and Im always free to talk.
I’ve come to realize in the past year or year and a half that tumblr and my music at the time brought me to a bad place.
I was listening to music that said that it was okay to be alone all the time and that people were trash anyway. I should be completely and totally independent and not rely on anyone but myself because I can handle that and I don’t need anyone. I reblogged post after post, picture after picture, quote after quote talking about how it’s okay to hate yourself. It’s not even just okay, it’s GLORIFIED. I was reminded on a daily basis of the false idea that it was perfectly fine to hate every bit of yourself and I spent day after day scrolling through tumblr for relatable posts. It spurred in me a feeling of community which I thought was good. We were all struggling with the same thing so we would work together to crawl out of this self-deprecating hole we had found ourselves in, right?
BULLSHIT. I found myself with the type of community that revels in pain and seeks not to come out of it but to be completely content in our wallowing. I asked for pity but with no motivation to come out of this group of people who knew what was in my head and were able to relate so well. I really did wallow in self-pity with no desire to do the work it takes to grow up. I took notice of this whole situation and realized how much it had gotten out of hand. I loved The Lord and yet I was still stuck in this cycle of “woe is me” and told tales of my pain when I should have just claimed what The Lord has for me which is joy and peace in Him. I don’t repent of that awful situation I was so focused on myself that I didn’t know what real needs were.
Ladies and gents, stop allowing yourself to relax in a state of belittlement. You are allowed to go through hard times when it feels like there is not escape, but for the love of all that is right, don’t stay there intentionally. Strive to escape or you will forever be this person who doesn’t value themselves and will never be able to see themselves of any worth. Don’t listen to Boston by Augustana hundreds and hundreds of times while reblogging posts about how you have no friends who care about you and your family doesn’t love you.
Most things are alright in moderation and this is one of them. Do not look in the mirror and say you will never be pretty, but also don’t ignore the issue and try to convince yourself that nothing is wrong. Push yourself to get up and out of this community of people who may not have any motivation to help themselves and call a friend you haven’t talked to in awhile and see if they want to grab some pizza. Get yourself involved in a community where you spend time with the same people on regular basis and actually try to befriend people. It’s hard and it sucks but once you’re free of those chains that were holding you down, it’s a lot easier to breathe.